3/20/09: Our Hit Parade @ Joe’s Pub (57/100)

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Here’s a bit of free advice:

If you ever find yourself going to see 100 consecutive days of music, and a woman who kindly feeds your cat whenever you’re out of town happens to be and actress and cabaret singer who is performing in a show called Our Hit Parade, where actors sing and perform the top 10 hit songs of today, and you’re wondering whether you should go see something like that, do it. You’ll have a good time.

Due to the highly unlikely chance that said scenario happens to anyone else in this world, I will be kind enough to fill you in on what you would experience. Or at least, try my best. Because accurately describing what it’s like to see a man dance around with a fake penis dangling out of the fly of his jeans. Or, a woman strip half naked and prance around the club while singing a Miley Cyrus song, isn’t exactly easy. But I’ll try.

As mentioned above, one of tonight’s performers is a woman named Molly who kindly feeds my cat whenever I’m out of town. She emailed me to let me know about the show, and I’m glad she did because cabaret isn’t exactly my thing, so the odds of my finding about it was pretty slim.

I got to Joe’s Pub just before 10, and shortly after the show was under way. But first, here’s a bit of background might help. Our Hit Parade is a takeoff on a show from the 30s-50s called Your Hit Parade – where actors performed the top hits of the day. Same idea here, except this is more musical theater, and less serious.

They opened the evening by singing songs only from 1989, for some reason – somehow making “Like a Prayer”, “She Drives me Crazy”, “My prerogative” and other ‘89 hits work as one song. Afterwards, they announced the theme of the night: house fucking. Um, ok. Not sure what that has to do with anything…but I found out much later.

The first song, song #10, was performed by my friend Molly. She sang the Lady Gaga hit, “Just dance” dressed in what looked to me like a ’50s getup. I’m sure I got that wrong, since my references for things like this are usually pretty off, but that’s what it looked like to me.

Following her was the guy who started out the song in a pea coat, and ended up shirtless with a fake penis hanging out of his fly. After him was a duo with a guy playing an accordion, while a woman sang a hip hop song, complete with copious use of the word white people aren’t supposed to say, while acting out the lyrics with Barbie dolls. Hilarious and disturbing all at the same time

And on and on it went…until we got to the “house fucking” during song #4: a Miley Cyrus song sung by Bridget Everett. Turns out house fucking is not fucking in a house, but rather a condition that causes objective obsessives to want to actually fuck a house, I think. I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure out what that guy with the fake penis had to do with anything.

Anyhow, halfway through the Miley Cyrus song, Bridget was straddling a huge load-bearing pole, or shaft if you will (puns intended) – then stripping off her already see-through dress, and standing half naked in her bra and panties in the middle of Joe’s Pub. Umm…uhhh…ok.

Tough to top that performance. But that doesn’t meant they didn’t try. There was a man dressed in drag dancing around a balloon while another heavily tattooed man wearing a Speedo rode a bike upside down, twirling a hula hoop. And then a woman from the audience who pointed at the fur on her shirt and said, “A lot of people ask me how many animals had to die for my shirt. And I tell them, how many animals did I have to fuck to be able to afford it?”

The night was winding down, and we were finally to the #1 song: Carrie Underwood’s version of Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home.” Now this was funny considering I’d actually heard Motley Crue end their show the same way on Monday. Except, you know, it’s their song.

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