I have to figure out what I want this blog to be about.
I’ve been told I’m holding back. That I need to be edgier. Funnier. That I need to bitch more. That it needs to be more about me. That no one really cares about reading yet another review of another underfed, tight jean-wearing hipster band from Brooklyn playing at a dark venue on the Lower East Side.
All valid points.
And while half of me wants to say, “Fuck off. This is my idea. I’ll do what I want.” The other half is saying “I know, you’re right. I suck.” But when you make a living keeping yourself out of your writing (at least, overtly), it’s tough to then publish a diary about your innermost feelings. “I’m still trying to figure out what the voice is. What my POV will be,” I often say. Is that the truth? I don’t know.
But here’s what I do know:
I’m sort of afraid I won’t finish. I’m only 11 days in and already overwhelmed. Only when I get to the venue do these feelings wash away. When the music begins, I’m reminded why I’m doing it. But what if I get into a situation where I’m working late (as I often do) and unable to see a band? My job obviously comes first. It’s what I do, and I love it. I should be able to find a couple hours a day to knock out a show. But what if I can’t? Call me old fashioned, but if I miss even one day, what’s the point?
Next, what if I get to the end of 100 days and I hate music? Or rather, don’t want to go out and see it anymore? Or need a break? Or become jaded? I originally set up this project because I missed seeing music. So I was going to see 100 bands in a span of 100 days – not necessarily consecutive. But that didn’t seem pure, and often disappointed the people I explained this stipulation to. Now it’s 100 days in a row and while that is way cooler – it still worries me that I’ll get burnt out.
And, I could go broke trying. I’ve already spent around $300 in just over a week on tickets, beer, food, cabs, etc. If I keep this up, it’s going to be over $4,000 total. I can’t afford that. I live in NYC. My rent is more than most people’s mortgages. I gotta figure out a way of doing this cheap(er). Or get sponsorship, or more donations to help me out – something. (a HUGE shout out to those who have already donated. Thanks Mom, Boz, James, Al and Steve)
My apartment is a mess. It hasn’t been cleaned since I started. Sorry, but I’ve working and seeing bands. So it’s fucking filthy. Not gonna lie.
And what if I can’t relax afterwards? Think about it. Most people go straight home after work. They cook dinner, read a book, watch TV, take care of the kids – whatever. They have down time. Me? I’m out seeing bands, often times straight from work. Or I stop home to feed the cat, drop off my stuff, and then head out. I’m already A.D.D. enough as it is. Put this project on top of that, and who knows what I’m going to be like after 100 days. I could completely collapse into the fetal position…or I could be unable to sit still at night. Bored out of my mind.
These are just a few things that worry me about this project. Listen: I know it’s going to be fun. It’s already one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. And I know that no one wants to listen to me complain for the next three months. In fact, many people have even told me I’ve inspired them to do something they’ve been putting off. Plus, the look on the band members’ faces when I tell them they’re apart of this project has made it worth it thus far.
But what can I say? This is the shit I think about, and what you’ll be reading about from now on. Because while this will remain about music, it has to be about more than that or we might all get really bored, really fast.
Oh, yea. I almost forgot. Frightened Rabbit was great. See the video and pics. I don’t feel like writing about music today.